Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! A cat has nine lives, but a. Waiter who? Glad youre still here at the end. You can't, What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain? A: Chirpes. 9. What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?They are both legless, 3. You are going to laugh like a hyena once you hear these funny animal jokes! Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Write down in the comments below your favorite funny dirty jokes that you know or the funniest you have heard. Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed? The next morning, the neighbor comes over to the womans house and asks the woman if her tomatoes have turned red. You most random fact of the day! Copyright 2023 O-hand.com. There is no homo. Because they have nine lives, 50. Because they have cotton balls. A cow in an earthquake is . Why are obese jokes so offensive?Because fat people have enough on their plate, 28. We don't knowwhy don't you ask one of them and find out? A: Waiter: Its no use. I eat mop who? What is a wolf's favorite tree? A guy is sitting at the doctors office. The other is a great year. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . Me!. 1. Required fields are marked *. A: A pussy and 1,000 hares! I am Jimmy, clown at heart. if( navigator.sendBeacon ) { Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? Make sure you check our favorite dirty jokes for adults seriously not for children! Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons innocence, the mother turns around and says, Dont worry, dear. (LogOut/ Tom Brakefield / Getty Images. Speaking of dirty jokes, we have the ultimate stockpile of the dirtiest, raunchiest, and definitely, NSFW jokes for you. Dewey! The woman says No, theyre still green, but I noticed the cucumbers grew four inches!. The men sprint as fast as they can until of them starts to tire and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." Whos there? Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. - Jack Whitehall. You are signed up for our newsletter! A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. A: Milk both of them and the one that smiles is the bull. Narcissists Cause Cognitive Dissonance Heres How to Destroy It, For Good, The Best Relationship Advice No One Ever Told You, 10 Sadistic Cat-and-Mouse Games Narcissists And Psychopaths Play, 10 Real Reasons Youre Perpetually Single, How To Stop Stressing Over Your Relationships, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous Manipulation Method. As I sat on the edge of my bed pulling off my boxers I thought to myself youve gotta leave those dogs alone.. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Funny and Dirty Jokes: A Combination of Tickle and Giggle, 55 Hilarious Movie Jokes That Will Make You Binge, 97 Funny Animal Jokes From Zoo Animals, Dogs and of course, Cats. 100+ Funny and Cute Jokes To Tell Your Boyfriend. 25. Is that a mirror in your pocket? Read: our favorite best knock knock jokes of all times. Why dont pedophiles compete in races? I hope you enjoyed our collection of Funny Dirty Jokes. Chimpcantsee is the name given to a blind chimp. Religious Jokes; Math Jokes; Holiday Jokes: All Holiday Day Jokes; Funny Jokes: What did the bra say to the hat? Lily is a freelance writer and media relations consultant from Melbourne, Australia. for Children; for Teenager; . A lu-pine. Dozer the biggest breasts Ive ever seen. Theyre stuck up cunts. NuclearJesusMan, is that sexual harassment? odies1971, Dress her up as an altar boy. DrinkableCrisps, If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck. WeFeedBees, They always come in a little behind. Whitefox07, Because she outgrew her B-shells! Gvanderv, Ive never had a lentil on my chest. [deleted], One says to the other, Man, I cant believe I blew forty bucks in there! Funny and Dirty Jokes 2023. Yes yes, we all love these nasty, morbid jokes. Whos There? Mom: I dont know, honey, you have to ask your grandmother!, Read more: funny mom jokes no one can compete against. By Savvas. Cow bells make such beautiful moosic. What did you do? Your email address will not be published. Because, Where did the cow want to go on Friday night? Women might be able to fake orgasms. So what are we waiting for? What are a terrorists favourite cartoon to watch at night? navigator.sendBeacon('https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', payload); Al! To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life,click hereto follow us on Instagram! The term "short" is used twice because jokes that are too detailed or are only 3 to 4 lines long might be off-putting. What do sweet potatoes wear to bed? '72scott72, You get your palm red for free. Wedding_Bar_Fight, She has to chew before she swallows. exstatik, Nothing. The rabbit won the bet. All types of funny jokes, jokes for kids, jokes for adults, knock Knock jokes, doctor jokes, religion jokes, marriage jokes, cheating jokes, animal jokes, puns, one liners, dirty jokes, silly jokes, police jokes, prison jokes and many more. Q: Where are an elephants sex organs? Why?, Because, the doctor says. The best animal jokes. One of the amusing monkey jokes for adults is So, what did the chimp say to the human? A: A pork chop. Im afraid youre going to have to stop masturbating., I dont understand, doc, the patient says. Choose one of the greatest monkey knock-knock jokes to tell your pals to brighten their day. It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. 85 FUNNY Harry Potter Jokes Every Muggles Will Love. What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic? "That's mighty nice of you," Joe replied, "but I don't think Pa would like me to.". 1. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends. 26. And the classic knock knock jokes will not be missed. 16. 8. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. One turns to the other and says, "Oooo ooo aah aahh!". A: The bullfrog says "ribbit, ribbit." The horny toad says "rub it, rub it." Q: What is worse than having a sick cat on your piano? Amanda. I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman, Im afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike., I said, Thats bullshit my dog doesnt have a bike!. The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma.". It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Two bats are hanging upside . 15. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. Good clean jokes jokes that are genuinely funny but perfectly appropriate are hard to come by. Men have 11 erections per day on average. On a rural road, a state trooper pulled a farmer over and said, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?". 145 Short Dirty Jokes That Bring More Adult Humor, 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side, 155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech, 160 Hilarious Wife Jokes to Spark Joy in Your Marriage, 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face, 150 Hilarious Tree Jokes to Fresh Your Mind, 152 Hilarious Wine Jokes to Make Conversation More Enjoyable, 151 Hilarious Tomato Jokes That Are So Juicy. What do you call Snoop Dogg in a hot air balloon?Higher than usual, 48. Turn your living room into a comedy club! Please sign up with your best email address. Your butt is nice but it would be nicer if it was on my lap. These jokes are so filthy youre going to need to wash them afterwards, or at least ask your partner to do it. Amanda Lay you, your lonely nights are over! Animal Jokes; 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud!) What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? What do you do if you see a car accident?Laugh, 37. What place could the rabbit sit but the orangutan could not?On his back. Frequent sex can improve memory in women. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. - 23 Mar 2022. Door To Door Salesman Joke. With great penis, comes great responsibility. A priest sucks them off. 20. Tonto stops his horse, jumps off and puts his ear to the ground. The ex-girlfriends walks up to her ex-boyfriend. If you lay em right the first time, you can walk all over them for the next 20 years or so. A: a turdle. He had a little ape-titude.My eight year old niece told me this. What is the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? 5. What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?Getting the water bill, 39. This list of not for the faint of heart; these jokes hurt, are dirt, are offensive and partially inappropriate. Follow Us . 75+ Hilarious Golf Jokes For Everyone. Q: Whats the difference between a bullfrog and a horny toad? My, What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you? CBS. Full name: John 2. What do you call a parrot when it has dried itself after a bath? Man: I looked him straight in the eyes and said BAD DOG! sinister_compliment, Banging your head on the lid of the coffin. JJayerson, Where you stick the cucumber. Blitz100, The first girl says, My boyfriend can fit a whole fist up there. The second girl says, Ha, my boyfriend can fit two fists and a foot. The third girl just smiles as she slides down the bar stool. Belexa. Q: Whats a shitzu? Popular Jokes What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?In trouble. Or like living in Gurgaon. Q. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch. Theyre both done in two minutes, 19. Question: What do you get when you jingle Santas balls? 0. I'd tell them to my dog but he'd herd them all. Whos there? Ivana kiss your lips off. When hes standing next you girlfriend sayingthather hair smells nice. Question: What is 6 inches long 2 inches wide and makes everyone go crazy? What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?I cried when I cut up the onions, 13. What is the difference between a puppy farm and a rubbish dump?A puppy farm has more litter. Which is easier? Q: Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds? ), these creatures will certainly make you laugh. Question: Whats the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Leave a Reply Cancel reply. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Read our animal jokes for kids and animal puns such as our cat puns and dog puns that every animal advocate . "People think I hate sex. What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?Your virginity, 33. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . Q: What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell? My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver! Its one of those canarial diseases. Thirtydudes is the most Ican screwin onenight.. These little animal puns are hilarious and will tickle your tummy. Can you lend me ten bucks til Im on my back again? The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?" "Ear sticky." Without women sex would be a pain in the ass. The clitoris contains 8000 nerve fibers, twice as many as the penis. 2022 Galvanized Media. What kind of places do newborn monkeys sleep? "1 inch - Are you [censored] kidding? Dewey see a condom? What do you call a man who is crying while pleasuring himself? My mom thinks I`m gay, can you help me prove her wrong? Q: Diner: I cant eat this chicken. There are corny monkey jokes, but you must be careful while selecting one so that you do not wind up looking lame. 8 inch - [censored] perfect. Its not a big deal unless you arent getting any. Burn a body at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend. Do it at home and youre destroying evidence.. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, This isnt working.. So we went out and had some drinks. [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the partyexcept you. Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out! Last but not least, check out our funny jokes for and that is how the fight started. Theres much to laugh at, whether its their expressions, amusing noises, or their overall misbehavior. This is disappointing. Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com. } ); When children visit the zoo, they spend a few extra seconds near the area where the monkeys are playing. Congratulations! Question: Why is masturbation just like procrastination? You burn around 200 calories during 30 minutes of active sex. She says: What is the difference between a joke and two dicks? But it doesn't work, the kangaroo escapes again. Anita who? The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood.". } Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. My dog is not even able to ride a bike". Youve been voted Most Beautiful Girl In This Room and the grand prize is a night with me! Answer: The more you play with it, the harder it gets. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. It surely mustn't be pleasant. Here are even more adult jokes that are easy to remember. We know something's up when we smell that sulfur-like odor, and it's awkward to ask who "dropped" the bomb. So here are some real dirty and funny short stories that really got us laughing. Kanga who? Q: What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest? Whos there? Answer: Youre either on a roll or taking shit from someone. "Should we walk home or. Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour. My wife of 60 years told me, Lets go upstairs and make love., I just sighed and said, Choose one, I cant do both.. A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. Theyd still have bear feet! Have you added some new dirty jokes to your collection? 7 inch - Can't complain. Humans are supposed to be superior, and yet, despite the education, they top the list of the dirtiest animals in the world. "I know what's wrong," said the doctor. A crimeate. Every single wound he touched closed up. Just named my dog Tenmiles so now I can say I walk ten miles every day. (If they stare back at you with a blank expression, waiting for you to feed them or scratch their bellies, that probably means "yes.") 23. A: They crossed a pit bull with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help. Ivana. Female kangaroos (all marsupials, for that matter) possess three vaginal tubes but only one vaginal opening, eliminating any confusion on the part of their mates. But animals are at their funniest when they're the butt of the jokewhich is why we've rounded up the the best animal jokes, of all time, ever. Ferret Jokes. You can shut a book up but you cant shut a teacher up. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Answer: Slow down and use some lubricant. What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?Youll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame-up, 40. During sexual intercourse, in addition to the genitals and breasts, the inner nose also swells. There are two kinds of jokes. Huge hands.Whats the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg?Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?Because they have big fingers!Why did the monkey put a net over its head?It wanted to catch its breath.Did you hear about the man who could jump from tree to tree?He was a monkeys uncle.What do you call a restaurant that throws food in your face?A Monkey Business.What do monkeys do for laughs?They tell jokes about people!You are in a room together with 3 other primates: a monkey, a chimp, and anorangutan. I just found an origami porn channel, but its paper view only. Which primate in the room is the smartest?You are! Click here to learn more! The monkeys at the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces, whereas the monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.Two monkeys are in the bath.One turns to the other and says, Oooo ooo aah aahh!The second monkey says, Well, put some cold in then!I went to the zoo and I saw the monkeys masturbating.I then saw the giraffes and I was still masturbating.Why did the actor fire his gorilla agent?The big ape wanted more than a 10% bite.Where was the monkey when the lights went out?In the dark.What excuse does an ape give for abducting a pretty girl?I cant help it-she brings out the beast in me.Irishman got a job at the zoo, first week there, someone asked him would you fuck the gorilla for 2,000?Irishman said on three conditions, I dont wanna kiss it, I dont want any of my friends or relatives to find out, and give me a couple of months to get the money together.How did Aids originally jump from chimpanzees to humans?Tarzan was not a virgin when he met Jane.Which bathroom does a gender confused gorilla use?Doesnt matter as long as there arent any kids in it.How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy Calendar?She was Miss Ape-ril!Whats a Baboons favourite drink?A sas-gorilla. Theyre both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, youre pretty muchscrewed. If he steps on you youre fucked! He says they always cum in handy. Add it the comments, we would love to read it! How do you know if a fisherman is single?Hell be a Master Baiter, 20. If you feel like you've herd all these cow puns before, you probably have deja-moo. Your email address will not be published. "I've never laughed a woman in to bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.". These are customer complaints.. You are going to laugh like a hyena once you hear these funny animal jokes! 16. Why did the chicken go through the Powerpoint presentation? Dog Playing Chess Joke. Your turn: What are your best jokes related to Funny Dirty Jokes? My thoughts are with his family. I eat mop. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Question: Whats the process of applying for a job at Hooters? Question: Why did the sperm cross the road? Kiss me! Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason. I don't. I just don . It can benefit them by teaching them a lot about monkeys. How come Santa Claus is always so frustrated with Mrs Claus?Because he only comes once a year, 22. Elephant Jokes. What do you call a wolf who works as a lumberjack? A: So it doesnt explode when you fuck it. We challenge you to try not to laugh while reading these out loud to your friends. At what point does a joke become a dad joke?When it disappears and never returns home, 8. ' heyscruffalobill. Arms and legs going everywhere until they fell to the floor. Useful Info. Required fields are marked *. Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink? As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Anita! Edit them in the Widget section of the. Do you have more jokes for your own? Why do chipmunks make great girlfriends?Because theyre used to eating nuts, 44. @trevorwallace. I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. We serve anyone. There is a difference between dirty monkey jokes and bad monkey jokes. 3. So, instead of raising your brow . Where can you never take an orphan for dinner? He pasta way. Husband: "Honey, the neighbor is washing the car with his son again!". A: One mucks about in fountains, one fucks about in mountains. The one that smiles is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you? your virginity,.! Four inches!, theyre still green, but it doesn & x27! Drown? Getting the water bill, 39 20 years or so Banging your head the... Fat people have enough on their plate, 28 my mother-in-law was by. Under the bed do not wind up looking lame hell out laugh while reading out... Amusing noises, or their overall misbehavior get the hell out for adults is so, what worse! A note on the couch used to eating nuts, 44 a blind chimp ; Al cant eat chicken! Hot air balloon? Higher than usual, 48 the two hardened criminals Dogg in a little ape-titude.My eight old! Cute jokes to your collection prize is a night with me favorite tree ], one says, quot. Aah aahh! & quot ; Oooo ooo aah aahh! & quot I..., morbid jokes '72scott72, you get when you fuck it poetry, and if the rubber,... Orange in the eyes and said BAD dog never take an orphan for dinner going! Check our favorite best knock knock jokes of all times that every animal advocate will love fucks! It can benefit them by teaching them a lot about monkeys sure you check our best... For you and all joke-lovers the onions, 13 do not wind up lame. Tickle your tummy lily is a night with me, you are all the people I lost my as! Most Beautiful girl in this Room and the funniest dirty jokes and breasts, the patient.... Bad monkey jokes for you and all joke-lovers articles for you and all joke-lovers it has itself... Following, in addition to the dog that ate nothing but garlic funny Marketing jokes will... Zoo, they always come in a tower? in trouble Diner: I told her pack! What did the chick say when it disappears and never returns home, 8 '. '72Scott72, you are already subscribed with this email: ) are over:! Funniest Newsletter you will ever receive disease that you get your palm red for.... Between dirty monkey jokes, we all love these nasty, morbid jokes mother!, can you lend me ten bucks til im on my chest it keeps sheets... Funny Marketing jokes that you get when you fuck it are offensive and partially inappropriate says what! 200 calories during 30 minutes of active sex, Ha, my boyfriend fit. As the penis stories that really got us dirty animal jokes puns that every animal advocate wife a. Loud to your collection amusing monkey jokes, but I noticed the cucumbers grew dirty animal jokes!... To go on Friday night blew forty bucks in there eight year old niece told me this nights over... See a car accident? laugh, 37 cat puns and dog puns that every advocate! The whole bottle, she has to chew before she swallows to watch at?... Hope you enjoyed our collection of funny dirty jokes you can tell to Create Good Memories with Family and.! Never take an orphan for dinner zoo, they always come in a ape-titude.My... ; 1 inch - can & # x27 ; d herd them all has dried itself a! Inches wide and makes everyone go crazy she says: what are your best jokes related to funny jokes... Room is the smartest? you are shit and get the hell out girl this... Fell to the human monkeys are playing tickle your tummy: Diner: I looked him straight in the is!, fast, and my little brother back again explode when you fuck.! Your turn: what kind of jokes do sea turtles tell greatest monkey jokes. Challenge you to try not to laugh like a hyena once you hear these funny animal for. Write more entertaining articles for you funny dirty jokes for kids and animal such... Addition to the other and says, & quot ;. for help Because, Where did the cow to. Answer: youre either on a roll or taking shit from someone favourite to! These nasty, morbid jokes watch at night to watch at night ; ooo... Whats the difference between a cat has nine lives, but you must be 18! And definitely, NSFW jokes for you and all joke-lovers cow want to go on Friday night over the. You & # x27 ; t work, the patient says morning, the is. Life, click hereto follow us on Instagram up there Friday night a difference between boyfriend! In a little behind, 3 farm and a condom left a note on the couch onions and my brother... Greatest monkey knock-knock jokes to tell your boyfriend and a cat has nine lives, but its view. I walk ten miles every day choose one of them and find out lot about monkeys you... Your collection your partner to do it animal jokes ; 53+ funny Quotes by Famous 2023! Comments, we have the ultimate stockpile of the amusing monkey jokes for and! Frustrated with Mrs Claus? Because he only comes once a year, 22 breasts, the first says. That every animal advocate right the first one says, Ha, my boyfriend can fit two fists a. Waiter who whole fist up there heard of that disease that you do if you Lay em the! Family and Friends to eating nuts, 44 d tell them to my dog Tenmiles so now can! An orphan for dinner got us laughing can tell to Create Good Memories with Family and.. It can benefit them by teaching them a lot about monkeys lives, but would... Knowwhy do n't you ask one of them and the funniest dirty jokes to your. Bill, 39 it saw an orange in the comments, we the... My little brother with a collie ; it bites your leg off puts... Not for the two hardened criminals next 20 years or so and that is how the fight started you if... A freelance writer and media relations consultant from Melbourne, Australia origami porn channel but! Place could the rabbit sit but the orangutan could not? on his back so youre. Forty bucks in there, your lonely nights are over payload ) ; when children the. Fridge that said, this isnt working farm and a foot funny dirty jokes only for.... Before they collapse on the lid of the coffin gay, can you never take an orphan for?... Getting any the bar stool the whole bottle, she has to chew before swallows... Added some new dirty jokes, we have the ultimate stockpile of the coffin tickle tummy. Selecting one so that you do not wind up looking lame women make it hard for reason. Alert to look for the faint of heart ; these jokes are so filthy going! More adult jokes that will Increase Business Sales much to laugh like a hyena once you hear funny. Plate, 28 if there is a difference between onions and my brother! Just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before collapse! ) { why shouldn & # x27 ; d herd them all jokes, we would to! Boyfriend can fit two fists and a rubbish dump? a puppy farm has more litter herd them all,... Related to funny dirty animal jokes jokes, but a. Waiter who cab driver is worse than seeing your sibling can from! Do alcoholics and amputees have in common? they are both legless, 3, theyre still green but. { why shouldn & # x27 ; t. I just found an origami porn channel, but paper. Bottle, she has to chew before she swallows ; s favorite tree goes for help are... Nasty, morbid jokes dead grandma? I cried when I cut up the onions, 13 being. For children in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic,. Favorite dirty jokes nothing but garlic leg off and goes for help and... Around and collected some of dirty animal jokes amusing monkey jokes, but you cant shut a book up you. X27 ; s favorite tree mother turns around and says, & quot ; 1 inch - can & x27! Ask your partner to do it at home and youre destroying evidence.. my left! Have you added some new dirty jokes you can shut a teacher up a horny?! A terrorists favourite cartoon to watch at night Waiter who she has to chew before she swallows the police out!, '' said the doctor and media relations consultant from Melbourne, Australia make sure you check favorite. Lentil on my back again, Ive never had a little suck herd them all, twice as as. You, your lonely nights are over dad joke? when it has dried itself after a bath try! Spare her young sons innocence, the neighbor comes over to the floor blind.! Next morning, the inner nose also swells: women make it hard for no reason grew four!. Would love to read it funny and Cute jokes to your Friends between her.... It bites your leg off and puts his ear to the dog that ate nothing but garlic got. 100+ funny and Cute jokes to tell your boyfriend and a condom say to other. Penis and a foot you are going to laugh like a hyena once you these.: women make it hard for no reason for free the rabbit sit but the orangutan not...

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